The Black Fly in Our Chardonnay: Booze Around the World

by | Aug 23, 2024

Kim and I spotted drinking a South African chardonnay a decade ago in Michamvi, Zanzibar of all places–due to an extremely limited wine list of…one option!

Last updated on October 13th, 2024

Featured image: Jules and her wife Kim have been on several adventures foraging for booze around the world, like this South African chardonnay in Zanzibar | Photo by Jules Torti

A short history of blind pigs, cashew wine and Bangkok beers in a fish tank

by Jules Torti

In July 2024, a 14-day strike by the Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) left Canadians high and DRY. It was a black fly in our chardonnay when 9,000 LCBO employees went on strike, shuttering 669 locations across the province in a bizarre prohibition of sorts. When toilet paper was as pandemic precious as a Taylor Swift concert ticket and all-purpose flour became the modern version of the gold rush, I barely broke a sweat. Now? The LCBO strike led to my wife and I drinking a local chilled (and overpriced) chardonnay which communicates a lot about the state of the drinking union. We’d had our fill.

Because we live in a rural area, we are privy to LCBO “Convenience Outlets” which remained open during the strike. When our Chilean cab sauv/merlot cellar thinned, Kim and I decided to take advantage of the inventory at Pike Bay, where thirsty cottagers clotted the general store in search of the exact same thing. There was no red anything to be found. Not even red wine vinegar. For those who drink peppermint schnapps and Drambuie, well, the world was still your oyster. We were forced to debate the merits of a Niagara chardonnay versus a drinking box of pinot gris.

Canada’s Last Dry City, Owen Sound

This area is drunk in prohibition history. Owen Sound (Ontario), one hour south of us, was Canada’s last “dry” city. When prohibition ended in Ontario in 1927, our Eastnor township remained “wet” while Tobermory and Lion’s Head stayed as dry as the Sahara. An entrepreneur bought the former “Handicraft House” at the corner of Ira Lake Road and established the historic Colonel Clarke’s Tavern. In turn, three local bootleggers suddenly found themselves looking at job ads.

During this era, low-class establishments that sold booze during prohibition were known as blind pigs. In Mono, the Blind Line stretch of road from Highway 89 to Orangeville is a nod to the notorious 7 Blind Pigs. It makes you wonder about those Three Little Pigs—was there a blind pig undertone in that fable? Was that first little pig’s house built out of straw or barley? Interesting that he and the stick house pig built their houses “very quickly and then sang and danced all day because they were lazy.”

Foraging for Booze Around the World

Sometimes, procuring beer or wine is a snap. The Santorini airport has beer vending machines in the departure gates for crying out loud! On some isle adrift of Hydra we were introduced to homemade geranium liqueur and cacti pressed into potency. In the Galapagos Islands, we saw not only blue footed boobies in real life but found Boobies beer!

 In the paddy wagon at the Saints & Sinners, a celebration of bootlegger history  in Owen Sound, Ontario.

In the paddy wagon at the Saints & Sinners, a celebration of bootlegger history in Owen Sound, Ontario / Photo by Jules Torti

Jules Torti finding interesting booze around the world, like this Boobie beer in the Galapagos Islands.

Hyperlocal Booby beer with best-ever ceviche in Puerto Ayora, Galapagos / Photo by Jules Torti

Nano-breweries in Scotland

In Plockton, Scotland, Kim and I elbowed our way into a tiny by-appointment-only nano brewery that once housed chickens. The owner and master brewer apologized that he didn’t have any beer available on-site in the coop reno and directed us back to The Plockton Inn (where we were staying) or to The Shores beside Calum’s Seal Trips. “Can’t miss it.” He was right—on Harbour Road there’s The Plockton Hotel (not to be confused with The Plockton Inn), the seal excursion ticket outlet, The Shores pub and the Plockton Distillery, a beer bottle’s throw away.

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Moonshine in Egypt

Kim and I have gone to Herculean lengths to obtain beer not just from chicken coops but also Egyptian desert oases. We bought fig moonshine in the Siwa Oasis from our donkey rickshaw driver’s uncle (that we eventually poured out in a hotel sink on the Red Sea). Neither of us could enter the bathroom without a coughing fit and hot tears. I think in the right fermenting environment, figs eventually turn into gasoline. In complete contrast, shaking a vodka martini in Iceland was easy with non-stop access to bobbing iceberg cubes and snowfields that are synonymous with the Ring Road landscape.

While Kim and I felt high and dry during the LCBO strike, the situation was similar in the Siwa Oasis, Egypt.

While Kim and I felt high and dry during the LCBO strike, the situation was similar in the Siwa Oasis, Egypt / Photo by Jules Torti

Cashew wine in Belize

In Hopkins Village, Belize, things were a little dustier and semi-exasperating but we found a bottle of caramel-coloured cashew wine. As much as I love cashews (*I eat them until I have cramps), the wine version is not as promising as it sounds. This wine accompanied a perfect disaster dinner menu of tamales wrapped in banana leaves. After one tentative bite, Kim said, “Tell me this isn’t cat food.”

Speakeasy in Jakarta

In Jakarta, en route to our hotel on the west coast, our taxi driver stopped at his friend’s private home when we asked if there was somewhere we could buy beer. It was a hushed speakeasy-style transaction. Fun fact: At the Soekarno–Hatta International Airport, the only place to buy beer in all of Terminal 2 was, oddly, WHSmith Books. Yes, the bookstore sold beer. And cigars. And shrimp chips with dipping sauce.

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Bobo and milk tea in Indonesia

In Anyer Beach, Indonesia, the Muslim population made finding a bottle of wine of any sort (cashew or otherwise) the greatest game of hide n’ go seek. There’s not a shiver to be had in Anyer Beach as it throbs with heat. You could steep a decent cup of tea in the 88-degree Indian Ocean and that’s exactly what everyone was drinking while listening to the throb of Madonna and an overlay of the Muslim call to prayer.

We watched distant ash plumes push into the sky above the mighty Krakatoa on the silver horizon while sampling curious blends of canned Del Monte popping boba and milk tea. The red velvet option was exactly like drinking liquid cake. As for the rasa caramel cheese blend, well, it’s a perfect example of two words that shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

Thirst-quenching bottles in Tanzania

While the hotel’s wine list/stock was extremely limited (three bottles) and exorbitant ($80 US). Outside the hotel, it was totally beer-less, a sharp contrast to Tanzania where you can buy the popular Serengeti or Flying Fish brands everywhere and drink them anywhere at any time!

On the flip side, our Indonesian hotel’s laundry service checklist was very all-inclusive. We could have our safari suits pressed or opt to launder our tuxedos, panties, jilbabs or leather jackets for a fair price.

Taste-testing popping boba and milk tea flavours.

Taste-testing popping boba and milk tea flavours in Indonesia / Photo by Jules Torti

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can drink beer in the company of elephants! No safari suit required, even though it’s Tanzania

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can drink beer in the company of elephants / Photo by Jules Torti

Booze around the world: The Dramatic Conclusion

It was Alanis Morissette who famously sang about that black fly in her chardonnay but isn’t it ironic that Kim and I are whining about drinking chardonnay? Our drinking resume includes the lethal likes of bathtub vodka on the Yangtze to avoid the steep riverboat drink packages. Methanol-induced blindness has actually been recorded in China and Russia from fake vodka consumption. Bathtub distillation aside, we’ve also downed murky Belizean cashew wine, potent palm wine at a Seychelles night market and Egyptian fig moonshine that could polish brass in a pinch.

Point is, Kim and I are resourceful survivalists. We can eat cat food and sniff out beers in a chicken coop and drink chardonnay or wine squeezed out of cashews if need be. We’re great at foraging and if it means drinking beer with our feet in an aquarium in Bangkok, cheers to that.

Jules Torti enjoys local craft beer in front of a glamping tent in Simcoe, Ontario

Jules enjoys local craft beer while glamping in Simcoe, Ontario / Photo by Jules Torti

Do you have any tasting notes from around the world to share? What lengths have you gone to for the simplicity of a cold beer or glass of wine? Most importantly, do you have a Drambuie and peppermint schnapps cocktail recipe?
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Jules Torti is the former Editor-in-Chief of Harrowsmith magazine. She now works as a content creator at-large for Wild Women Expeditions and has been published in Cottage Life, Our Homes, The Vancouver Sun, Canadian Running, FASHION, The Globe and Mail and Massage Therapy Canada. Yeah, she wears a lot of hats--most of them backwards. She is also the author of four books: Free to a Good Home: With Room for Improvement (Caitlin Press), Trail Mix: 920km on the Camino de Santiago (Rocky Mountain Books), Been There, Ate That: A Candy-coated Childhood (winner of the 2021 Pottersfield Press Creative Non-Fiction Prize) and The Wisdom Found in Hen's Teeth (Pottersfield Press).

3 Comments

  1. Carolyn Bibb

    What a treat to stumble on your blog over coffee this morning! My wife and I have also travelled extensively and sampled many forms of local booze. We had banana beer in Uganda, a whisky cocktail in Ireland, and of course the local wine or beer from most of the European and South American we’ve been to. We’ve hiked the Camino de Santiago earning our Rioja or Estrella at the end of the day. Our next trip is in October to Japan with Wild Women Expeditions where I see Jules works.

    Reply
    • Jules Torti

      Hi Carolyn! I’ve tried that murky banana beer in Uganda too! And the knock-out Waragi gin that is sold in a plastic bag! I’m sure you stopped at the wine fountain in Ayegui(in the Navarra region along the Camino Frances)–it wasn’t even 8 a.m. when we reached the fountain but when in Rome…or Rioja! I haven’t been on the Wild Women Japan adventures (Carolyn Ray has!) but in my research I’ve read that they have a sparkling sake and dozens of quirky KitKat bar flavours to taste test. You’ll like this intro to the Japanese booze scene. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment and 乾杯! (Kanpai/cheers).

      Reply
  2. XAbby

    How’s that for a journey? The quest for the world’s unique drinks is thrilling and funny. From blind pigs to fig moonshine, it is interesting how local history, culture, and creativity influence the booze around the world. It is an adventure that proves there is always a story behind each sip!

    Reply

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