Celebrating a milestone birthday with my daughter

by Carolyn Ray

It’s midnight in the Sahara Desert, and after a festive night of singing and dancing, we’ve climbed up into the sand dunes. Suddenly, three shooting stars light up the dark sky. I glance at my daughter, Alyxandra, who looks my way and grins, making my heart jump with joy and gratitude. Never could I have imagined that we would be celebrating her 25th birthday in Morocco’s Sahara Desert, sitting in a circle with people from around the world, sharing our stories and adventures.

For the past two weeks, my daughter and I have criss-crossed Morocco in a journey that has taken us down unexpected paths in this chaotic, welcoming country. We’ve leaped over sand dunes in a 4×4, shared a meal with a nomadic family in the desert, barrelled through Marrakesh on a motorcycle and hiked up to the top of Ait-ben-Haddou. Every day has brought new adventures and new lessons about the power of community, and most importantly, the connection among the women of Morocco.

Travel from a woman’s perspective

When Alyx tells me she wants to spend her milestone birthday with me, there are only six weeks to spare. As the daughter of a travel writer, she and I are both experienced travellers. I’m coming from a safari in South Africa and she lives in London, UK, While it would have been easy to choose Europe or an English-speaking country for her 25th birthday, we both want something different. This is more than a trip — it’s an opportunity for us to deepen our bonds and push ourselves out of our comfort zones.

My initial plan is to join a group tour – it’s easy and simple, and I can purchase it online. But after we discuss her timelines and my limited budget, I realize we need something more customized, and contact Siham Lahmine from Morocco Travel Organizer.

“I love showing women our country’s soul and heart,” says Lahmine, who runs Morocco’s first woman-owned travel company. “Not only is our country diverse in terms of landscapes, traditions, food and culture, but it can surprise your senses, from beaches to mountains to sand dunes. I can help peel our culture layer by layer to get to the sweet part, which is connecting with the community and women at a deeper level.”

Guided by Lahmine, we co-create a once-in-a-lifetime trip that includes Alyx’s interests of jewelry-making, shopping and photography, while satisfying my desire for UNESCO World Heritage sites, stunning natural spaces and women entrepreneurs – a perfect combination. After all, how often does your only daughter turn 25?

Six unique mother-daughter moments

1. A photography sidecar trip honouring a powerful heroine

In Marrakesh, Alyx and I take a private sidecar tour with Marrakesh Insiders, squeezing through narrow alleyways for a street-level view of this vibrant city. Our driver, Nabil, wants to show us some lesser-known places. Having just motorcycled through Vietnam, Alyx is fearless. She jumps behind Nabil on the bike and I am relegated to the sidecar, happily filming our drive through Marrakesh’s medina and into the countryside. Within a few minutes, we leave the hustle and bustle of Marrakesh and emerge in an oasis, with lush palm trees, camels and flowers.

We roar down a winding driveway and stop at Villa Bled Roknine, a three-story art deco house in Marrakesh’s Palmeraie neighbourhood. We soon learn that it’s was the former home of Leila Alaoui, a famous French-Moroccan photographer who was assassinated in 2016 at age 33 in a terrorist attack in Burkina Faso while working on a project for UN Women and Amnesty International.

Inside, there are vibrant floor to ceiling images from her famous series, “The Moroccans”, alongside black and white photographs of refugees. Outside, we meet her father, Abdiz Alaoui, who welcomes us warmly and shares his memories of Canada. Alyx and I are awed by the villa and the framed photographs of frequent visitors like Yves St Laurent and Mick Jagger. We’re also saddened that such a young talented woman was cut down in the height of her career doing such important humanitarian work – just another reminder to do what you love every day.

 Find the perfect place to stay in Marrakesh on booking.com.

2. Making jewelry with Amima Yabis, the Queen of Golden Buttons

From Fez, Siham joins us and we drive into the countryside, where we’re warmly greeted by Amina Yabis, the vibrant founder of Golden Buttons, a community enterprise that supports local women by sewing buttons, which are used for jewelry, clothing and other decorative purposes. After a tour of the busy first floor workshop, she ushers us upstairs to her home, where a table covered in multi-coloured buttons is waiting. Witnessing my discomfort with sewing anything, Amina shows me how to put the tiny buttons on a needle and make my own bracelet. It’s evident that my daughter has more talent in this area, as the other women gently take my needle away and repair what I’ve started.

3. Shopping with female guides in Fez and Marrakesh

There’s no better way to see a city than from a woman’s perspective. With Zuzu, our personal shopper, we navigate the Marrakesh souk and get advice on how best to bargain. “If the shopkeepers ask for 500 dirhams for an item, for example, offer back half of that, and then negotiate the difference,” she tells us. It works like a charm, and I buy Alyx her first birthday present, a gorgeous brown leather bag.

In Fez’s old city, the circular streets are confusing but can be navigated by understanding the street signs. A rectangular street sign means the street is open. An octagonal one means a dead end. On our second day, Alyx and I decide to walk alone and are followed by an aggressive group of young men who taunt us and shout that we are going the wrong way. To avoid being harrassed, we pair up with a group of people and walk with them through the medina. After a few minutes, the boys leave us alone and we return to Le Jardin Des Biehn hotel without incident.

This kind of experience can be unsettling, so Siham arranges for guide Farida Kada to take us shopping the next day in the medina. Farida spent her childhood in the medina and seems to know everyone, who greet her with respect. She takes us to a store where she purchased her engagement ring and chooses shops off the main streets, where we find inexpensive pashmina scarves, a silver teapot and distinctive Berber jewelry for us to remember our time together.

Safety tip: Should young men bother you in Fez, Farida’s advice is to tell them to stop firmly, and that you will call the police if they continue.  If you stay in a riad, ask the porter to escort you to and from restaurants, or to your transportation. Be sure to provide him with a tip.

 Find the perfect place to stay in Fez on booking.com.

4. The feminine energy in a local hammam

When Siham invites us to her local community hammam in Fez, I’m not sure what to expect. She gives us our own cute pink plastic buckets, black soap and an exfoliating mitt (kessa). It’s Friday afternoon and the hammam is busy. Before I know it, we’ve entered a world that few tourists ever see. Within minutes, I’m sitting in my underwear on a wet, tiled floor as Aziza, a Moroccan woman, scrubs my back so vigorously that I can practically feel my skin peeling off. Then, she pours warm water over my head, gently removing the black, gritty soap. Changing positions, I find myself lying sideways on the ground across from Alyx, who’s getting the same treatment nearby with Mina, and we giggle at each other.

The hammam is more than a spa treatment. It’s a ritual that happens every week in local baths like these, where women connect, share stories and take time out from their demanding lives as wives, mothers and daughters. Even though I can’t communicate with Aziza in Arabic, I use smiles, hand gestures and a mixture of French and English words to express my gratitude. As I get dressed in the outer change room, she rushes over and kisses Alyx and me on our foreheads, giving us both a blessing. Alyx and I share a smile, knowing that this is an experience we would never have had on our own.

5. Quality time with Siham’s friends and family

After our hammam together, Siham invites us to her family’s home for lunch. Her parents greet us in their apartment, which has two large seating areas with couches and a central table – one area is for the family, and the other is for guests.

For almost three hours, we eat and talk about life, travel and our lives as women. The food seems never-ending. Her mother, Farida, prepares a home-cooked meal of pastillia, the signature pie of Fes, made with cheese and a traditional Moroccan sweet with fried dough, honey, cinnamon and orange blossom water. Then, she brings out pastries and Rghaif Maamerin, which is like a pizza filled with onion and spices, and baghiri (pancakes with a thousand holes). And of course, there is tea.

Just when I don’t think I can eat another bite, our day ends with another another surprise – Siham’s closest friend, Sara, arrives to embellish our hands with henna. The afternoon ends with us laughing, creating new bonds that cross over cultures and languages.

6. A birthday celebration in the Sahara desert

By the time we reach Riad Madu Sahara Desert camp on our camels, the sun is quickly disappearing beneath the dunes. Waiting for us is a luxurious heated tent that even boasts a shower and bathroom. But the biggest celebration is to come.  At dinner, I surprise Alyx with a chilled bottle of champagne, but am outdone by a our singing Berber host who brings Alyx a personalized birthday cake, arranged by Siham. After sharing these delicacies with the other guests, it’s time to sing, drum and dance with our Berber guides around the campfire.

The night is clear, and as shooting stars fly by our heads, I lie back on the cool sand, watching the constellations twinkle above me. It’s so quiet and still. I feel a wave of awe and wonder move through my body, making me shudder. Neither of us sleeps that night, not wanting to miss a single moment, bound together in an experience that can only be created by our universe.

 Find the perfect place to stay in the Sahara Desert on booking.com.

Lessons from Morocco’s women

When I ask my daughter what she loved most about our trip together, she surprises me. While she’ll always remember the sand dunes and shooting stars on her birthday, she’s most vocal about the women of Morocco — how they create community, and protect and uplift each other. In Western culture, she says, we sometimes take a lot for granted, but in Morocco, family and traditions are valued in an way she didn’t expect.

As for travelling with her mother, she’s ready to do it again. Two women travelling in Morocco could be considered risky, but she says she felt always safe with our driver, Mustapha, and our female guides in Marrakesh and Fez. We’re planning our next trip, looking for another experience that shifts our perspective and helps us feel more connected to each other and our world. After all, it’s only five more years until her 30th….

Getting to Morocco

From Canada and the US, check flights to Marrakesh or Casablanca here.

I flew from Frankfurt to Marrakesh on Lufthansa. My daughter flew from London to Marrakesh on Ryan Air. If you fly out of Fez, try to avoid Ryan Air as they are notorious for additional charges on hand luggage; staff are financially incentivized to check bags.

To see where I stayed, visit our Places to Stay Directory and search for Morocco.

Find Morocco Travel Organizer in our Women’s Travel Directory here. 

Safety considerations for Morocco

• Use a guide in larger cities and have a private driver if possible. Drivers can be arranged by a travel agent, or your hotel.
• When you negotiate for goods, be respectful but prepared to leave if you find the prices too high. I used the currency calculator on my iPhone to make sure I understood the exchange rate. Don’t feel rushed to make a decision.
• If you use a credit card or Wise card, check the amount and always get a receipt. Take photos of the stores you shop at in case you need to return anything.
• Try to eat cooked food and drink bottled water. Bring medical supplies just in case.
• Cash tips are expected. Ask your travel advisor or guide what is appropriate for drivers, guides, restaurants, etc.
• Never travel without travel insurance. Period.

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