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Tips for safe online dating

By Carolyn Ray

The world of online dating can be intimidating, particularly for women of a certain age.  In 2021/22, 323 million people worldwide used dating apps and most are looking for a romantic relationship. According to Forbes, there are over 8,000 online dating websites, the pandemic has driven the digital matchmaking industry to new heights.

As mature women, we want to be cautious when engaging in online dating, especially knowing that 41% of Americans have personally experienced some form of online harassment.  (Source: Pew Research, The State of Online Harassment).  Engaging in a digital space can have many of the same issues as in a physical environment: harassment, discrimination, threats and stalking. 

2. Be very sensitive about sharing personal information

When using online dating websites, very careful about sharing your personal information, whether you share it on a platform or you’re sharing it with somebody you’re engaging with. This goes for everything from Facebook groups to chats on apps. 

Breeden recommends thinking twice if you are being asked for phone numbers.

“How many times have you been asked by somebody you’re engaging with to leave the platform and go to another platform to share your information or go to a link that takes you to a website that asks for money?” she asks.

3. Test the boundaries of new relationships

Breeden says that those with ill intentions show up on digital platforms in the same way they show up in real life. She recommends testing boundaries early on to see how people respond when you say ‘no’ to them. 

“What I’ve found is that people — and this is with any kind of abusive cycle — who violate your boundaries in a small way will eventually violate them in a big way,” she says. ”How do they respond when you say no? Do they respect your ‘no’ or do they try to get you to a yes? Some of these people may be very charming and they may be very nice. But then they use charm, then they may transition to fear.”

4. Stay on the platform

Breeden sees behaviour where people try to get women off online dating apps quickly and take them to another site or ask them to click on another link. Don’t do it, she advises. 

“They might say, ‘I need help’ or, ‘Can you help me just a little bit’ and then those requests get bigger and they escalate, possibly into requests for money,” she says. 

Learn how women can be seduced and swindled, watch Netflix’s Tinder Swindler.

Editor’s note: this tip applies to many situations, including booking accommodations. Recently, I had a problem with an Airbnb in Mexico, The owner tried to convince me to communicate with her on WhatsApp. Instead,  I voiced my concerns on the Airbnb platform, which led to a full refund and removal of her property from Airbnb. Once you go off platform, the company can’t help you. 

5. Meet on video before you meet in person

Traditionally, we might think that only older people are scammed. Breeden says it’s actually happening to young people too, through different types of scams, from romance to confidence scams. 

“If you’re thinking about meeting this person in-person, get them on a live video to confirm that this is the person that you’re actually speaking to or engaging with,” she recommends.   

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